Why I Think Describing Myself as Pagan is Perfect for a Spiritual Eclectic Like Me

I had been thinking a lot about Spirituality lately, and specifically what it means to me to be Pagan. And I had an incident last night (which I will describe shortly) that gave me a better understanding.

I had my first opportunity today to express this new understanding today during my lunch break. I had found and joined a Pagan Community on Google+ and introduced myself. I first recounted my history with many religions, and listed current group of chosen deities that I commune with, which included Jesus, Hanuman, Brighid and Krishna.

The rest of the intro went like this...

I don't how to describe myself in religious terms. In shorthand, I just call myself a spiritual eclectic. But, since I am a polytheist, and have a strong tie to the earth and seasons, I sometimes consider myself as just Pagan. And I know some would only consider people that worship deities outside the mainstream religions Pagan. But, in my personal conception, I see Paganism as just an umbrella term for anyone who not only accepts all religions, but prays to many of the deities within those religions.

Then, a little bit later, I read a post by John Becket titled "Tension in the Big Tent of Paganism." In it, he writes...

First, I’m in favor of “Big Tent” Paganism. When someone says “Pagan” I want that to include hard polytheists, humanistic Pagans, Nature worshipers, hedge witches, shamans, ancestor worshipers and anyone else with similar beliefs and practices. That doesn’t mean I want us all doing the same Wicca-lite ritual at the Solstice. It means I want us talking to each other, cooperating with each other, and learning from each other.

If that makes it impossible to draw clear lines around what is and isn’t “Pagan” so be it. The idea that if a term can’t be precisely defined then it doesn’t mean anything simply isn’t true. “Pagan” means something – we’re arguing about what that something is. I’m advocating for as loose a definition as possible.

It was refreshing. Here was one Pagan, at least, who seemed to be as comfortable with a liberal idea of "Pagan" as I was. I immediately wanted to share that description of myself I had posted with him. But I didn't have time at that moment.

But when I finally sat down to share my thoughts in a comment on his Blog, it was obvious that I had a lot more to say. And this post was a result.

Last night, before I went to bed, I paused at the shelf of spiritual books sitting atop my dresser. I wanted to take one of my prayer books to my bedside table so I could recite a prayer before I went to sleep. And I had a few choices, which included Hindu prayer books and Catholic ones.

Well, the past week, I've been making my way through Rev Mark Townsend's "Jesus Through Pagan Eyes." Reading it has brought me a lot of blessings, including a new appreciation of the Spirit-Person that I had grown up with. And I had been reading minutes before pausing in front of my books. I was feeling more and more comfortable with the possibility of a devotion to Jesus fitting within a Pagan spirituality.

So did I choose one of my Catholic prayer books?

No. I chose was A Book of Pagan Prayer by Ceisiwr Serith.

And why did I choose it?

First of all, let me say that it is a wonderful prayer book. I bought it three years ago during my first dip into Paganism.It has a great variety of specific and unspecific prayer. It is nicely organized, with prayers to times of the day, sabbaths, seasons, situations, etc.  It's a beautifully constructed and designed book as well. I carried it everywhere. In the morning, I would read some prayers on the train to work. I would read some outside, under a tree at work.

But that's not why I chose it last night.

I have been searching for God most of my life. Especially from my college years on. I was looking for the true truth. I looked for the one true religion. I looked for spiritual figures that seemed to have really figured out the universe or had achieved a direct line to God. I looked for a sacred scripture that didn't have any mistakes or contradictions.

And every once in awhile, I would chance upon something and think I had found what I was looking for. It happened with many religions, figures, texts. Including Paganism. And I would say, "Aha! Here it is. I've found what I'm looking for. All my problems are solved." And I found comfort in that certainty.

But, as some of you searchers like myself can attest, eventually the flame of the convert dies out. The certainty disappears. I think, "How could I have thought that person, religion, text was 100% perfect and accurate?" Soon, thereafter, the days of doubt would creep in. And it felt like God disappeared. And I slipped into months of existential depression.

Fortunately, I eventually came to the realization that all religions, figures and texts are flawed. God isn't that easy to understand and figure out. But there are people that seemed to have gotten closer than others, and I can learn from all of them. And I can also learn from all the world's sacred texts and religions and commune with all the world's deities.

I also learned to embrace uncertainty. I learned to accept that mystery is a HUGE part of God, the Universe, and Life. And I'm comfortable with that. It's a relief to know that I will never understand it all and I don't have to kick myself for not figuring it out.

And that's where Paganism, or more accurately, Neopaganism, comes in for me. Many (thought not all) Pagans accept that their religion is largely a constructed, modern religion. They don't claim it came down from the sky from God. There is no founding figure that sat in a mountain and dictated God's words.

And I, specifically, see a huge benefit in being polytheist, no matter who or what these "gods" and "goddesses" truly are. That's not important to me now. I just want love and communion with them. And through them, love and commune with the Great Mystery that lies behind them.

And there are other qualities to Paganism that fits with me. Pagans (again, not all) don't believe their's is the one true way. They don't follow a doctrine, creed, or recognized authority. They include nature in their devotions and rituals. And so on.

And all of this adds up to a spirituality that fits me RIGHT NOW. I've looked for the perfect and ultimate truth and failed. Thus, Paganism is great because it isn't looking for or claims to have found that truth. Spreading my devotion across several Gods and Goddesses also prevents me from clinging to and focusing on one. It prevents me to falling into fanaticism or fundamentalism.

You see, I'm the type of person that needs variety. I guess, in some aspects of my life, I am "afraid of commitment." I don't like to buy a box of tea that has one flavor. What if I get tired of it. I'd much rather buy a variety pack. I also don't like candles or potpourri that are one single sent. I'd rather have a blend.

So when I saw that Pagan prayer book, with it's variety of prayers to a variety of deities, I thought, AT THAT TIME, that's what I want. This accurately symbolizes my "Bit Tent" spirituality. It includes all. Jesus, Brighid, Krishna, and anybody else I find drawn to. And I also decided that more and more, I like the concept of describing myself as Pagan. Not Christopagan, or Hindupagan, or Eclectic Pagan.

Just Pagan.